lasts

last day of teaching.
last day of seeing my kids.
last night in my city/apartment.

it's time to pack up and move back home. leaving something behind has never been this hard, to the point where i was fighting back tears, but failed to do so. it's bittersweet having to say good-bye to those i've met within this past year in korea. i feel like my time isn't complete here, and i feel reluctant to let go of my students and friends that i have developed relationships with. but, i know that i can't live here forever, and life goes on. i never thought i would learn to love this country or this culture, but, never say never. i have fallen deep for this place, and i see myself coming back here for study abroad, and also after i graduate. i think god has given me a heart for Korea, even if it isn't strictly for missions and what not, it has definitely left it's mark. although it hasn't been the easiest year, i don't regret making the decision to come and teach here. it's amazing how God can change one's heart towards a certain thing and show me how naive i actually am (even though i beg to differ). as with anything we face in life, it just takes time.

i thought my last day of teaching would be a weight lifted off my shoulders, but it was the complete opposite. as i was saying good-bye to my kids, tears instantly started to fill my eyes as i had to pretend to be brave (because teachers never cry!). as i made my final walk from school, i let it all out and couldn't bear to think i won't be coming here anymore.

before i came here, the things that i thought i would struggle with most were the things that i enjoyed and the things that i thought i wouldn't struggle with became my stronghold. it's ironic how that always works out, but god is sovereign. there are reasons why certain things were easy to deal with and others, well, not so much, and once again, it's only a matter of letting time take its course to fully understand those reasons.

i wish i could stop time so i could say proper good-byes. everything is getting jammed in these last 3 days i have here, and i know it's inevitable to not be able to see some people before i leave. but, as the cliche goes,

"it's not good-bye, but see you later"

3 days.