best medicine money can buy?

i've never been a big person on taking medicine when i'm sick...i just don't think it really works (plus, i'm hardly ever sick). i think besides like major medication that involves life or death, the best medicine money can buy, can't really be bought. everyone knows that old saying, "laughter is the best medicine," and after a lot of thinking, i definitely agree (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/04/07/health/webmd/main1481492.shtml). i simply LOVE to laugh at anything, anyone, any scene. it's just a great feeling. these past few months, i haven't been doing that great, here in korea. latley, i've been feeling robotic and indifferent about everything going on in my life and i couldn't just quite put my finger on why that was. then, i realized, i don't have many good face to face conversations during the week, let alone since the time i've gotten to korea...and because of those lack of conversations, i realized i was missing laughter. i can't laugh if i don't have anyone to talk to. right? but, this past week, i find myself more joyful and back to my normal happy-go-lucky self due to my TKD class filled with hormone raging, acne faced teenage boys, which only equals a good hearty laugh. the key to solving my abnormal state of life was laughter! korean boys are alllll about trying to humiliate one another in front of girls, so it was just exactly what i needed. i think laughing till you almost cry while on the floor curled into fetal position is one of the best feelings in the world...so, yes, laughter is the best medicine there is. it helped me get outta my funk (for the most part)...please keep me laughing! :)

TKD

i've been wanting to take taekwon-do lessons for a while, and today i actually acted upon that and went into this place that i always see on my way to and from school. i just went in and i ended up being greeted by a bunch of my students faces! they were so cute and surprised/excited to see me. as i stood there, they would take quick peeks at me to see if i was watching them or not. after talking with the TKD master, i found out he's one of my 6th graders dad!!! i remember her telling me that her dad is a TKD master, but i didn't know it was this place. so, i think it worked out really well. she's a good kid, and so at least he has some credibility with that. i ended up starting today and he gave me a uniform and my white belt. hehe. i feel kinda awkward wearing it, but at least i'm not the only one. the class i'm in is with jr. high, high school and college, and there's another girl! she's my age too, which is pretty cool, but she's a black belt and she wants to go to the Army for Korea (which is really really rare for girls). nonetheless, i'm intimidated.

i quickly realized how out of shape i am and how little stamina/endurance i have. it's so disappointing to see myself like this, so i hope all of this quickly changes and i get back into shape. TKD is really really tough, a lot tougher than i expected it to be. i think it's much different from like basketball or soccer, because those sports were never hard/difficult, but TKD is HARD. i basically learned how to hold my fists and some kicks...i thought i was gunna die. i can feel the soreness in my legs already. i don't know what i've gotten myself into.

but, it's a good challenge. i haven't really had something to really work hard for since...high school (except for this whole korea thing), so it's kinda foreign to me now. i gotta be a big girl, step up and overcome. I'M EXCITED. and scared at the same time. i hope this goes well. wish me luck!

[sidenote]
i GUARANTEE you every korean adult will ask if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend within the first 5 minutes of meeting them. it's happened every time since i've gotten to korea. kinda funny, but kinda not.

the box

i feel like i'm trapped in a box. i don't know what to think or how to feel, and i don't know how i'm doing. all i know is that i'm dying to get out. i guess i'm indifferent about everything here. i used to see the adventure in each day that came, but now, that adventure is gone.

yeah, i need to get out. i'm trying to climb, but i don't know where to start. i feel undeserving, unworthy to even try. i've been ignoring Him, neglecting to spend time with Him, even though i have all the time in the world.

actions speak louder than words. i need to act upon my words, my longings. i'm all talk. more action, less talk.

sounds like a plan.

this is why God is so awesome...
Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I’ll stand.

i'm baffled

after living in my apartment for almost 4 months, i just realized i have a cutting board. what a bittersweet discovery...bitter in the sense that i'm so stupid for not knowing i had a cutting board, and sweet in the sense that i have a cutting board!

punish the bad kids or the good kids?

so, one of the [many] problems i've faced in the classroom would be discipline, especially with my 3rd grade boys. they're really rowdy and full of energy, which i guess is understandable at their age and the whole "boys will be boys..." saying, so i'm trying to be understanding. but, here comes the dilemma. if i try to discipline the ones that are misbehaving, the rest of the class is indirectly suffering since i'm wasting my time and energy trying to get the other students to settle down. at the same time, if i don't say anything to the boys, they'll just continue to misbehave and be really hard to handle, even more so than they are right now. so, if i focus my attention on the bad kids, the good kids are getting punished (in a sense) because it takes time away from them learning english, but if i only focus on the good kids and ignore the bad kids, they'll continue to just act out more frequently. one time, at the beginning of class i wasted 10 minutes trying to discipline a couple of boys, and the other students in the class were yelling at their classmates to listen to me so we could move on, but it was unsuccessful. so, if i punish the bad kids, i'm punishing the good kids at the same time, which is totally unfair to them. i've tried to kick out some of the boys, but they refused to go home (insert wth?! smiley face here), and my dad brought up the possibility that there might be stuff going on at home, so then i started feeling guilty. my heart is too weak to ever really get SUPER mad at them. the most i do is just yell and tell them to sit down and be quiet. ultimately, i just wish all my students would act like little angels with little halos above their heads...

baby, it's cold outside.

whenever i heard people say the line, "i need a drink" after a long or hard day, it always used to make me think to myself, "how would an [alcoholic] drink help someone cope with a stressful day?" but, i think i understand now. i usually drink a cup of coffee everyday because my kids suck the life out of me. i'm craving a good cup of joe at least by the end of my 1st class. it kind of worries me how dependent on coffee i am. i feel like i won't be able to make it through the day without it. but, once i take a sip of my coffee, i feel so...refreshed. its like that single cup alone can get me through the rest of the day, and nothing else! does this mean i'm old?

i wish there was a coffee bean in my city.



sometimes I feel you're not deserving of me
And still you're in my heart
But you're the only one

sometimes, i want to cut off the middle fingers of my 2nd and 3rd grade boys, then maybe they won't wave it around like a trophy. they think they can get away with flipping each other off, but i have eyes like a hawk and catch them every time...nothing gets by me!


And Oh how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come
If ever I was lost
And You said that all You feel for me
Is undying love
That You showed me through the cross

superhero power

obviously, i have a lot of time on my hands since i teach less than 3 hours a day...this leads to a massive amount of thinking to myself, in my head (aka boredom). this can't be too healthy for me because i think i become paranoid of certain things and then i keep rethinking that paranoid thought over and over and over again into different scenarios and then i become even MORE paranoid about it....and yeah, you get the idea.

if i could have any superhero power it would be the ability to read minds. it sounds kinda stalker-ish, but i would only use it in order to benefit myself or other people...you know, kinda like when someone's-in-danger situation. but, then again, i wouldn't limit it to just that. don't you hate it when you're DYING to know what another person's thoughts are like? what they really think about a certain person or situation. so many times i find myself literally hurting to know what's going on inside someone else's head. i don't know if it's because i'm nosy, or if i'm insecure, or if i'm just crazy. i hope it's not because i'm crazy. i'm pretty sure its a combination of the fact that i'm really curious and really insecure. the search for solidarity in life can sometimes feel like a dog chasing its tail, but it's something that needs to be done. within that search, there's the wishful hoping of the superhero ability to read minds...

it pains me to say
I know I'll be there at the end of the day

new blog = more consistent journaling???

Before i came to Korea, i promised myself to journal everyday because i wanted to remember every detail during this year. I've been keeping a written journal in which i've been able to write in, amazingly, every single day that i've been here. i hope in the future i can pull it out and relive the memories i've been making in Korea.

the 4 month mark has come and gone.
things are becoming routine.
teaching is becoming a little easier; life is becoming a little more enjoyable.
i still miss home.

one thing i've noticed about this country is that it lacks individuality. these people are scared to do things alone or be by themselves for just a few minutes of their day--i think that's why they're constantly texting. my kids seem like they're joined together at the hips because they hate being separated from their friends for the game and beg me with their innocent little eyes to put them on the same team. if i ask one girl which sticker she wants, she'll ask her friend sitting next to her which one she should choose. it's like the people here, they're brainwashed into thinking that it's bad to be a little different and it's better to just "fit in" and to conform to the norm. you go to any mall or shopping place and ALLLLLL the clothes are the freaking same style. the people walking around all dress and look the same. high heels + stockings + a skirt + double eye lid surgery = typical korean girl. and, there's only one type of music that exists in korea...k-pop. it all sounds the same, and it's always some dumb catchy line that makes it a "hit". plus, all the popular groups have no musical talent. it's like there's some universal agreement that only these certain things are acceptable, and nothing else. there's no diversity. there's no individual expression. so, when there is a person that stands out from the norm, they get stared at and ultimately, judged...which sucks.

the highlight of my day today:
playing badminton with a bunch of old dudes (and losing to them).

2nd highlight of my day today:
buying really yummy tangerines and eating 3 of them

tomorrow, if weather permits, i plan on taking a random bus to a random location to randomly think. how exciting.