halfway

it's been a while.

January has been a crazy month--in a good way. I had two weeks of English camp which had me very busy prepping each night for a good 2-3 hours. it went by freakishly fast, but at a cost that it drained me to the core. nonetheless, i had a good time with the kids that showed up, and at the same time, i think the kids had fun also. Right after English camp i had "mid-training orientation" for a week and that was also draining and fun at the same time. our schedules were packed to the brim, but it was refreshing seeing familiar faces that spoke english. i also took a short one day trip to 남이섬 (a small island in my city) with my university partner, and it was quite fun (minus the 10 degree weather). this is around the time where it hit me that i've been here for 6 months already! i'm at the halfway point. crazy, huh? i think this next half will be MUCH different from the first half simply due to the fact that my ONE friend in my city will be leaving in less than 2 weeks. one way for me to look at the upcoming months would be "i only have 6 months left to do the things i want/wanted to do..." there are many things and i don't want to have the mentality of "oh, i have so much time here to do everything.." because in reality, 6 months isn't that much time. it's funny, i was sitting in dunkin donuts earlier today, doing my QT on Ephesians (for the first time in a long while) and it says in Chapter 5 starting from verse 15-16,

"Be careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."

making the most of every opportunity--that's so loud and clear. not to say that i haven't been making the most of my opportunities here, but i think more so now since i'm halfway done. who would have thunk that it's biblical to make the most of everything??? amen to that.

so, now i'm on break again until February 9th. the past two days i've done absolutely nothing, so that needs to change. TKD starts up again tomorrow, which is good.

random story/fact:
i went to mcdonald's today and as i was waiting to order, there was an impatient lady waiting for her food. it was pretty busy and there were only 2 girls working the cash registers and stuff, but this lady was so pushy. she got one of the girls' attention and said "i think my food is ready" as she was pointing to the hamburgers in the back along with a look of disgust of "how could she possibly not see that my order is ready"...like, REALLY?! you can't wait another 20 seconds for your damn burgers?! for a country that is all about respect and what not, it's pretty ironic how impatient these people are. get a grip, lady...and while you're at it, get that pole out of you-know-where...

i belong to Him

i figured most of it out today. i figured out that i'm feeling the way i'm feeling the past 5 months because i don't have this sense of belonging in korea. OBVIOUSLY i don't belong here, but ever since i've stepped foot on the motherland, i just didn't feel right and i didn't know why. today, as i was talking with a friend in a bustling coffee bean, i realized that i don't belong anywhere. there's no KCM, no [home] church, no set group of friends (let alone best friend for that matter), no irvine, no sports team and ultimately, no home. i felt this way at the beginning of my college life because i didn't feel like i was really a part of my dorm, or KCM. but, eventually irvine started to work itself out and became a place where i could feel like i belonged. now, i'm faced with that same problem, only i feel like it's magnified because i'm super sensitive being away from home and on my own. i think everyone has this inner desire and longing to always be a part of something, so that they can feel like they matter because if they were to fall off the face of the planet, people would be wondering where they went. you know?

here, it's so different. i mean, i have all my extended family here and i usually stay with my aunt and her family on the weekends, but i still feel like i'm a burden to them. i can't feel perfectly comfortable in my own skin, and i try to stay out of their way as much as i can. i have a church that i can attend, but it's not really a place i can call "my church". it's hard to get plugged in when i'm 3 hours away and going from a 20 people ministry to 600 people ministry, i don't feel the closeness and warmth like i do back home. with friends, i just don't have that set group of people that i can rely and depend upon. no best friend. i have no IM team, no para-church/ministry, and no mommy.

i think this is why it's been so hard. it's because i've just been floating around, not really seeing the same people, and that means a lack of familiarity. i don't really belong anywhere.

but, maybe this is the place where God wants me to be right now. I have no freaking clue why, but, He does. He wants me to feel unfamiliar, not belonging to anyone, except for Him. I belong to Him.