friendship.

friendship has been a big reoccuring theme throughout this entire journey in korea. whether it's the lack of it or the distance, i've been through a lot of heartache over this. it's kinda weird, heartache because of friendship? my answer is, yes. it's been a very lonely rollercoaster ride these past 10 months and with all my friends being 6,000 miles away i found myself being sad that i'm not with them, or that they're not here with me. i had no one (physically) in the seat next to me.

this past month i've been able to make some friends in my city that i play basketball with. we also hang out outside of the courts so, they've made life somewhat fun again. i've had some of them over a couple times to my place and we just stay up until 5am playing card games, talking, laughing, ordering late night delivery doing what i did back at home and in irvine. for once, i stopped counting down the weeks until i'm back in sunny california. amazing, right? i never ever thought i would get to this place where i am more than content with the way my daily life was playing out. i even found myself thinking "i kinda wish i had another month because 2 months isn't long enough".

now, this is the problem. obviously since i met all of them playing basketball, they're all guys. the one i am closest with has a girlfriend and they've been fighting because i've been hanging out with him too much. it's very against korean culture for people in a relationship to hang out with the opposite sex...even if it's JUST friends. this brings up the age old debate of "can a guy and girl be really good friends without it being anything more than that?" many have said no, but, i've always been a firm believer in, yeah, it is possible. i honestly didn't think it'd be a problem hanging out with him because i see him as just a friend. i never once thought about what this girlfriend might be going through in her head, so after a lot of thinking, i came to the conclusion that i have to lose this closeness with him. this brings me a lot of heartache because i'm gunna go back to the days where each day dragged and i kept looking at a calendar to see how much closer i am to being back home. he was my connection to everything else since he took good care of me. by losing him as a good friend, i lose all other things that has been connected to him. without him, i have no one else. i'm wondering how these next 2 months will play out and if i'll really enjoy my last months here, or if i'tll just be like every other month. i'm ready for some change.

SO, this whole situation has made me very irritated at the fact that society doesn't allow boys and girls to be good friends without any drama or naysayers...and when i say society i mean ANY society. this holds true in american and in korea and probably every other country there is in this world. it's so annoying and i guess it's hard for me to understand since i haven't been in a relationship in a very long time, but still, i can't stand it. why, why, why, why, why? i guess this is just how the world is.

8 weeks.

happy may!

i'm a tad bit late on the "happy may!" part, but it's been a busy busy end of april/first couple weeks of may. the DMZ was awesome and humbling (as is everyday in korea) but i also learned some things about the history of north and south korea. there's a lot of pain, blood and tears shed because of this division and it seems like reunification will never be possible. but, that was for sure a once in a lifetime trip and i even got to go through one of the tunnels that north korean soldiers tried to build to seoul, but they were obviously unsuccessful. it was a great trip.

i've lately also been staying in my city on the weekends instead of going to seoul. i used to be able to do the 10 hours of traveling in 2 days every weekend for the first 9 months, but now, it's just too much. it's weird that i use my weekends to relax because my weekdays are so packed of me being out all day. it's a good change since now i'm not tutoring at my aunts place anymore. it was kind of burdensome to go every single weekend and tutor girls that didn't really want to be tutored. now i can just do whatever i want every weekend. :)

i've been thinking a lot about circumstance and how it shouldn't change the way i live. my circumstances and surroundings have changed drastically since i've gotten here, and i shouldn't let that affect how i live my life as a person and as a christian. it's like, all of a sudden and for the first time in my life i have a large amount in my bankaccount (with much to spare), but should i let that circumstance change my spending habits? it's a blessing to be making the money that i do, so i shouldn't be dropping 300,000 won every weekend just to go shopping or clubbing or whatever. you know? yes, circumstances have changed for me, but does that mean that i have to change along with it? but, at the same time, i'm not saying to not soak in what this country has to offer to me because if i have an amazing opportunity in front of me, i'm obviously going to go after it--and i have and will continute to for the last 2 months (so weird, 2 months!). it hasn't been an easy thing to do; the whole not changing with the circumstances...because korea's culture is very in your face and it's so hard to fight certain things, especially with outter appearance and where my money actually does go, but, other things, like clubbing and drinking, is so easy. it's been a battle, nonetheless, and i've seen many many people fall as a casualty, but i refuse to let circumstance change who i am in Christ. it's a daily fight, and i'm waiting until the day where i don't have to fight it anymore. in other words, i can't wait until i'm home!

it's already mid-may. i'll be home at the end of july. so closeeeeeeeee!
10 weeks.