confrontation

i really don't like any type of confrontation because i tend to freeze up and my mind starts not thinking the right way. the past two days, two different men randomly approached me asking me for money. yesterday, i was sitting in Dunkin Donuts (in korea, it's basically a cafe that has lots of donuts) studying out of my korean book and out of the corner of my eye, i see a homeless person asking the people next to me for some "help". i knew that he would eventually come to me next, and i was quickly trying to think of what i should do. but, i froze. he came to me, with his hand sticking out and said, "please help me"...and what did i do? i just IGNORED him--like, foreal?! that's the BEST thing i could think of?! and he proceeded to just stand there for a few minutes, making me feel really uncomfortable and awkward. i really don't know why i just didn't take out my wallet and give him some change. after he left, i was thinking to myself, "what if that was jesus i just rejected? what if i just said NO, jesus, i don't want to help you?" it kinda got me sad. i wish my mind didn't have a brain fart like it did. then, again today, this random guy stopped me in the middle of the sidewalk and explained to me how he needed bus money and that he didn't have his wallet. he was obviously not homeless and i tried to pretend that i didn't know what he was saying and used the excuse "oh, i'm from america". but, he just kept explaining he needed bus money and so i asked him how much he needed. he said 2,600 won and so for some freaking reason, i pulled out my wallet and i had a 1,000 won bill a 5,000 won bill and tw0 10,000 won bills...you would think i would just give him the 1,000 won but NO, retarded me had to give him the 5,000 won bill. LIKE, FOREAL?! what the hell is wrong with me when it comes to people approaching me like this. i'm dumb enough to even stop and listen to what these people have to say, but on top of that, i give them MONEY. i'm so baffled at what just happened to me earlier today....i keep replaying the situation in my head and am in utter disbelief that i handed a perfectly complete stranger money. and he wasn't even homeless...i wish i wasn't so retarded when it comes to people asking me for money. i just don't know how to react or what to do.

but, in america, this would never happen. first, americans never walk anywhere, so there are no opportunities for people to stop you on the street and ask you for money. second, if any homeless person came into a restaurant/cafe/donut shop or whatever and was bothering customers, asking them for money, they would be asked to leave immediately. so, in reality, i don't how to react because i've never been in these types of situations back in the states.

ugh, but really? why am i so retarded..